Author Archives: lauracatherine1

A Creative Life

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I love to create. Even though it is a part of my job, it is not work for me. I enjoy the process of seeing my ideas coming to life. I enjoy giving my students a handful of seeds and watching as they grow those movements and intentions each class into their own unique way of expressing. I am an artist. I am not ashamed to shout that from the rooftops. I may not be Travis Wall or Mia Michaels. I am definitely not Bob Fosse or Martha Graham; but I am an artist, a choreographer, a grower of ideas and an ambassador of this great big world’s infinite creativity. I do not create for applause or accolades. I do not create to self promote or to become famous. I create because I am a divine inhabitant of the universe and I have a deep desire to give shape to ideas. Wow, does that sound deep?! Blame Elizabeth Gilbert; I just started listening to her audiobook (also available in print!) about creativity entitled Big Magic. Its incredible and inspiring and makes me proud to be someone who gets to create every day. I am a dance educator and I realize that my great work choreographing a dance for a group of eager 10 year olds to Disco Inferno is probably not going to get a write up in the New York Times or win me a Tony, an Emmy or an Oscar; but its a part of my life’s work. Its a part of my students’ life’s work and that matters to me. These young people are learning how to be artists from this work we do together and whether they become doctors, entrepreneurs, lawyers, custodians or choreographers themselves; they are learning to create, which is essential in this world.  It is important to me that the process of creating a dance is fun for them, that they see me delight in my work, that they see me play. It is equally important for them to see how I problem solve. When something is not going exactly right, I let them know that I am trying to decide if it is what I have asked them to do or if its the way in which they are doing it. Like most choreographers, I get up and do it with them, I sit down and watch, I move around the room, I scrunch up my face, shake my head, judge myself harshly, start over, pick a new song, go back to the song I originally chose, yell, yell “one more time” five more times, yell some more, and sit there and stare at my dancers in uncomfortable silence. But I also laugh with pure joy, squeal with delight, jump up and down like a child, fist pump, kick the air, scream “I love that!’, throw my hands up to the heavens saying “yes!” and yell do it “one more time” five more times (but this time its because I actually can’t wait to see it five more times!). It may only be a little dance to Disco Inferno but its magical to me. The dancers are magical to me. I am deeply aware of the love that is present. I am grateful. I am excited, disappointed, confident and full of self doubt at all times and I wouldn’t have it any other way. My goal is always for my students to consider themselves artists. I want them to see the creative process, I want them to be a part of the creative process. I want them to know that once the seeds have been planted, it is up to them to grow the ideas, movements, and the intentions. They bring the whole thing to life.  Last season I got to see one of the artists who I have the good fortune to call my student, perform a solo that she choreographed for herself.  It was to Strange Fruit by Nina Simone, a song for which I have immense respect; a song that is a risk.  The dancer performing this solo is African American.  She is beautiful.  She is strong.  And I had the great honor of watching her find her voice. She had something to say and she stood her ground unabashedly. Most teenagers are chasing the trophy, the medal, the super duper double titanium.  Not this young lady.  She is an artist.  I said to her through my tears “your realize this is a risk”.  Her response, “I know, I don’t care”.  It doesn’t get better than that.

I am a dance educator and I love to create.  I love to create dances where my students are snakes being charmed out of baskets, dances about love that has been lost, dances that bring storybooks to life and I love that I have the means to create opportunities for my students to find their own voice in this beautiful, artistic world.  This is my creative life and I am in love.

Gilbert, E. 2015, Big Magic-Creative Living Beyond Fear.  New York, New York:  Riverhead Books.

Reflection

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As dancers we spend a great deal of time in front of the mirror.  Often times as dance teachers we are giving directions to our students by looking at our their reflection.  They are watching us in the mirror for how to move, where to go next and what type of emotion is necessary.  We lead by reflection.  That was never more clear to me than at our studio’s Halloween party.  Four of my students dressed up as me!  My first reaction was “Wow!  What an honor”.  My next reaction was “Wow, they are really watching me”.  The girls came dressed in brightly colored t-shirts and black leggings. They took every moment that they could to shout out the benefits of the iliopsoas muscle and each girl carried a sparkly notebook that they proceeded to dance with it as I often do as I  read my choreography while I teach it! Later that night I started to think about what could have been if I didn’t dress and act the way I do.  Years ago I remember watching a teacher at a dance competition surrounded by her students.  The teacher was slouched over with a sour look on her face and all of her dancers looked exactly like her.  I became very aware of the fact that our students are not just looking to us for how to hold themselves in dance class; they are looking to us for how to carry themselves in life.  Not long after the Halloween party, another student of mine told me, as she watched me drink out of a green Publix water bottle, that when she was younger she thought if she drank water out of a water bottle like mine that she would become a great dancer.  Here it was again, my actions being reflected back to me.  This was obviously a message I needed to hear.  As I move through this incredible life I get to live, I realize that my students are not just watching me for how to execute a degage or a grand battement, they are watching me to see what to wear, how to hold themselves and how to treat those around them.  As teachers, they are listening to the words we use and the context in which we use them.  It is an honor to be a dance teacher.  It is an honor to love other people’s children as if they were your own.  And it is a huge responsibility to present to these children a positive and energetic example of how to make their way through this life.  When I look at my students I am proud; not just of how they dance but of how they love and share.  I am proud of their smiles and of the friendships they have cultivated.  I am excited about the good that they will do in this world and I pray that even if it is a very small part of who they are, there is some of me that I see in their reflections.

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Jealousy- The Greatest Indicator of Desire

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Every year I take a group of dancers to a wonderful dance convention/competition called Dancemakers Inc. Local dance studios gather at the Opryland Hotel in Nashville to give their students an opportunity to take class from master teachers and to have their dances adjudicated by dance professionals.  Several years ago before I owned Ann Carroll School of Dance, I was walking through the hotel after the competition and I encountered a local dance studio owner, Ms. Tracy surrounded by her dancers and parents. She was congratulating them on a great performance and reminding them to thank their parents and to clean up after themselves in the dressing room.  I felt a pang in my chest, a yearning.  I didn’t understand.  Just a few minutes before I was walking to my car feeling quite proud of myself and the the dancers at our studio and now all of a sudden I felt unworthy and sad.  I had a great job as co-artistic director of the studio, lots of talented dancers and parents that respected me.  What more could I want?  And then I realized;  I was jealous.  It was in that jealous moment that I finally understood my great desire- I wanted my own dance studio.  Even though I had a great deal of say over what happened at the studio, it still wasn’t mine.  I was supporting a community of dance families that was created without me.  I would never be able to create my own studio culture without having my own studio.  From that moment on, without knowing how this dream would come to fruition, I worked hard in the direction of my goal.

Jealousy is usually considered a negative emotion, something that we should suppress, or worse yet not feel at all.  I believe that jealousy is the universe’s way of nudging us towards our dreams.  How can you get where you want to be without knowing what you want?  When we are jealous of someone, we have the opportunity to recognize a desire in ourselves.  Perhaps its something that you didn’t even know was possible to have or maybe it was something that you didn’t even know you wanted.  I wanted my own studio but it wasn’t until I felt jealous of Ms. Tracy that I truly acknowledged it.

Now jealousy can be used for good or evil.  When jealous feelings cause you to treat another person poorly or make you feel bad about yourself, you are missing the point.  You are allowing yourself to be and act small and to only see what is right in front of you.  I try to teach my students to see the big picture.  Get a broader view.  If Susie can have that, then you can too. Success isn’t just available to one person, it is available to all of us.  If you are jealous because someone in your class is always in the front row or one of your friends made a company that you didn’t, be happy because now you know what you want.  With hard work and determination you can achieve these things! And even if you don’t get exactly what you want, one thing is for sure, you’ll get better.

Your dreams may not present themselves the way in which you see them (hence, there is not a Laura Carroll School of Dance!) but they will present themselves the way they are meant to be.  So the next time the little green monster hops on your shoulder, look at him and smile.  He may just be pointing you towards the greatest journey of your life.

Becoming Miss Laura

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I always wanted to be famous.  It has been the one consistent dream I have had since childhood.  I watched movies, television shows, musical theater and ballet performances as if I were the one saying the lines, doing the 32 fouette turns, or belting out a classic show tune.  I couldn’t wait for it to happen!  The song Fame sums it up perfectly for me- “I want to live forever, I want to learn how to fly high. Remember my name.”  I could feel it in my bones, this was going to happen for me.  I trained hard as a dancer, participated in my high school musicals and eventually got my Bachelor of Fine Arts in Dance at York University.  On the day of the dance department’s graduation party, I auditioned for the Toronto Argonaut Sundancers (Canadian Football League) and got the job!  I thought I had made it!  I had spent the last four years of my life studying modern dance and ballet predominantly and now here I was going to kick up my legs and cheer for a football team.  It didn’t pay much but it was my first taste of being a celebrity.  We had our picture in the paper, we did public appearances and nothing could compare to the feeling of running onto the field at the Sky Dome to dance at a game.  I was so very content with my life until one day at a charity event I was gushing about how great this job was and a fellow dancer looked at me and said “Yeah, this okay but I want a real dance job.”  My eyes were opened.  She showed me a bigger picture with just a few words.  You know what?  I want a real dance job too!  So off I went to pursue a bigger job in the dance world.  I quickly landed a job working on the island of St. Maarten, dancing in a show called “An Evening at La Cage”.  From there I went on to dance on cruise ships, theme parks and tours.  I was very happy, but I never became famous. In 2001, my husband at the time and I decided that we needed a more settled, stable life and we moved from New York City to Franklin, Tennessee (his home town).  I was to take a job as a dance instructor at his mother’s dance studio, Ann Carroll School of Dance and he was to work with a production company based out of Nashville.  I will never forget the first day that I worked at the dance studio and I was introduced as Miss Laura.  The name felt important, I felt important.  After the first hour of being Miss Laura, I knew I had found my home.  I knew that this was who I had always wanted to be.  When I walk into the studio and I hear my students shout out “Miss Laura!”  “Hi Miss Laura!” “Hey Miss Laura!”, I am filled with joy.  It is the sweetest sound I have ever and will ever hear.  Every day that I receive that greeting I am aware that this is my claim to fame.  That I am famous to the children I teach.  To them I am the celebrity I always dreamed I would be and I am overwhelmed with God’s response to my dreams.  We dream unabashedly and hope they will come true.  The way in which they come to fruition is not for us to decide.  And today and every day I am glad for that.